uneven

That has been my day.  Yesterday was great, so was Tuesday.  Monday was a doctor appointment...sucked.  But today was just plain weird.

I started the day with paying bills.  I have spent nearly every cent I have on legal fees, with absolutely no benefit.  Another $1500 today, but, really, who is counting.  Uh, me.  Also paid my Internet bill.  If it comes to having to cut something out of my budget, it will be the car, and not my connection.  I can take the bus or walk, but it is not possible to do work for my employment clients without having on-line access at home.  I love our library, but I cannot spend all day there.

Then, the car went all wonky again.  Not a big deal, but the left turn signal bulb blew and the police here are fond of giving tickets for non-working parts of your vehicle.  So, I went to the hardware store to buy a replacement bulb.  Before going inside, I looked in the owner's manual to find out what tools I would need.  They did not have the hex tool I needed, so I called my car guy friend to ask what other tool would work, and he told me to come over and he would help me.  So, I did.  Instead of helping me figure out what tool to buy, he said that he would take care of it.  I declined and said that I could do it myself.  He looked at the fastener and it was frozen here, like all corroded, and he said that he would do it for me.  I asked how much it would cost and he waved at me and said that it would not be much. 

So, I let him do it.  $38.00 later I left.  If I were capable of crying, I would have.  Subtract nearly forty bucks from my grocery budget.  I did manage to get everything I needed at the market, but, damn, that was not what I would call 'not much'.  Damn.  At least if the bulb fries again, the bolt is now loose enough so that I can replace it myself.

Monday's doctor appointment was distressing on so many levels.  I am way behind on regular health care, and my doctor is not happy about it.  Were all of the tests I need at low cost I would have them.  They are not.  I cannot.  She knows about what happened last year, so my reduced circumstances are no surprise to her, but she lectured me about being a non-compliant patient for not doing all of these tests.  Yeah, I get that I need them, but I just do not have the money.  When I shared that with her, she looked at me and said something like, after all this time, and now that your divorce is settled and you have your share of the resources, there is not any reason why you should be dragging your heels about this.

I explained that I do not have anything, that all of our resources were taken by my ex and that all I have is what I have.  She looked at me as though she did not believe that such a thing could be true.  She has shared how amicable her own divorce was (two doctors deciding that they had grown apart), and cannot quite accept that there are people for whom court orders mean nothing, except an opportunity to further abuse the person who dared to leave.  Yes, I am considered a bitch...and much worse...by my ex, and, quite frankly, having survived that marriage, it is a badge I wear with honor.  I think it is time to find a new doctor, someone in the city here.  It will make it easier for appointments when I have to let go of the car.

Staying as frugal as is my wont will take me only so far, probably until January or February, unless I find a job.  One that pays.  I already have enough, thank you very much, that are volunteer, and I am not grousing about them, I love all of the so freaking much, but it would be wonderful to have some income, a job where they like me and I get to provide benefit to them and they give me money for it.

That is not exactly true.  They do not have to like me.  Not a bit.  But, I will eventually win them over and do fabulous work for them and they will not mind so much that they have to pay me for it.

Anyway, therapy went well.  My therapist suggested some training a few weeks ago, and I finished the application and scholarship paperwork last night and dropped it at the post office this morning.  She keeps encouraging me to do this particular work, and if I get financial help, I can finish the training in a few months.  This qualifies me for work with agencies that receive governmental and grant help.  If it works out, I can finally find a job.  Most problems solved.  I am not sharing the particulars unless it actually happens.

The therapist that facilitates the mental health group is leaving for another job.  We will miss her, and the person replacing her seems fine.  One of the clients of the person who is leaving refuses to continue with the new therapist, but I guess that happens.  If I had to start with someone new, well, I would like to think that the work is more important than the people involved, but I am not sure.  You never know what you might do until you have to do something.

Marketing went well, all things money considered, and CoolCat and I are all set for the next week.  A nice long weekend, with no responsibilities, no appointments, no reason to leave our little home and plenty of great and healthy food, as well as some very nice fun food, and life is decidedly good.  Fabulous.  With any luck, I will not have to step outdoors, except to gather the mail, for four days.  Bliss.

Now, off to find a cookie.  Or several.  Well, maybe a cookie, then an apple, then wait a while for everything to settle before seeking another cookie.