Identify what is most important )0( Eliminate everything else
The idea that some lives matter less is the root of all that is wrong with the world. Dr. Paul Farmer
The suffering of others is not alleviated when no one knows about it.
There is no one right way to live. Daniel Quinn Ishmael
The only thing that you need to start an asylum is an empty room and the right sort of people.
We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be. Kurt Vonnegut

Monday, May 12, 2014


If you try your best to do your best, it may work out...or not...but you will have the satisfaction that comes with giving it your all.

If you keep your heart open, it will be much easier to see the good in other people, and maybe in yourself.

If you keep your heart open, it will be much easier to understand that other people may not have had the exact same experiences as yourself, but may be just as damaged as you have been by your own negative experiences.

If you keep your heart open, you will be able to understand how the good things in and of your life can be used as the foundation for crafting the life you really and truly want and deserve.

If you keep your heart open, it will be easier to accept yourself for who you are and what you are about, even when other people may disagree.  This is especially true if who you are and what you are about is living in a way that is not in your best interests.

If you keep your heart open, it will be much easier to, at least, consider allowing forgiveness to be a part of how you are in relationship with other people.

If you refuse to pay attention to what your life needs you will find that everything takes much more effort. 

If you refuse to pay attention to what your life needs, you will feel frustration and, by extension, disappointment when it appears that other people are not interested in providing extraordinary effort, energy and research for uncommon resources for someone who is not willing to help herself.

If you refuse to acknowledge what your life needs, you may not recognize all of the good and wholesome and wonderful opportunities that are trying to be a part of your life.  Trust me, all that you want and desire, all of your dreams are waiting right here, yearning for you to notice that they are available to you.

If you, for whatever reason or previous experiences that hold influence for you, take the easy way, life may seem easier and you may be less and less concerned with your ability to take advantage of other people, services and all of the super-duper things that you can have, were you able to take even a small amount of responsibility.

If you have time to judge other people, your peers or those who are trying to help you, that means that you are not spending nearly enough time working on your own issues, problems, healing, recovery and, most importantly, fostering and supporting forward movement in your own life.

If you have time to complain about the injustices or unfairness in your life, you are not spending nearly enough time working on your own stuff.

If you have time to worry or fret or complain about what other people are doing or not doing, the chances are excellent that you are not doing or are avoiding the things in your own life that need work.  

If you lie to yourself, the chances are that you are the only person who will suffer from those lies.

If you lie to other people, they will eventually learn that you cannot be trusted.

If you lie to other people, it is appropriate and correct that they should be spending their time, energy and other resources on people who do not lie.

If you lie to other people, you will have effectively destroyed the value of your word, which, if you are honest with yourself, is pretty much all that you have to offer other people.  

There are consequences for every single thing that you do in your life. 

Consequences are life's opportunities to accept that your struggles will be with you for a long time, will herald other issues and their own consequences, and that none of it is the teeniest bit helpful to you.

Last week and the two days of this week have been interesting and informative.  I spent part of this afternoon at our shelter.  I was there to participate with a program for our women, and there was a level of heightened emotions and, well, to honest, it was anger as expressed by the women who were participating in the program.  Feeling of unfairness and resentment over a couple of new rules that were precipitated by their own behaviors. 

The eternal dilemma and alchemy of entitlement (Yes, I am expressing judgement here; it is deserved.), along with negative behaviors that do not serve them and what they want and need in their lives, and with the resulting consequences.  If you want to feel and express entitlement, then you had best be doing your part to facilitate that.

I am weary.  I am so tired of struggling with the people involved in both sides of my work at our shelter. 

I am disappointed and worried about administration that refuses to do what needs to be done and simply passes on their responsibilities to the rest of us by offering platitudes and pap (not to forget avoidance) in place of leadership.  I am worried about how I can effectively do my job without any support.  I am concerned about how our shelter expects to gather and hold staff members without supporting them.  This is not only frustrating, it is a little scary as well.

I am worried about the women in our care who are receiving the best we have to offer, but are not led to the acceptance of their own responsibility.

I am concerned enough that I have abandoned one of my projects there, and have modified another one.  I am taking as many steps back as I need to examine and understand what my role is supposed to be there, because it is not all that close to what I was told about this job.  Except, it is not just a job.  Anyone who does this kind of work knows that it is much more than just a job. Oh, sure I am paid a wage for working there, but it is not about the money.  Anyone who does this kind of work knows that, too.

There are quite stunning thunder storms moving over my immediate area.  There are weirdly beautiful and eerie skies. There are strong rain showers.  There is hail.  Here only a half-inch or so, but up to two inches just a few miles away.  The weather system is moving so rapidly that it has moved ten miles in just a few minutes, which makes it that much more unpredictable.

The news reports that there has been plenty of damage from the fierce winds, but the swirling storm has not produced any tornadoes.  And, no injuries have been reported.

I am comforted by how technology gives us this immediate and helpful information.  I was able to call our shelter to let them know to listen to the news, turn on the television for the non-stop reporting programs.  Whilst on the phone, the severe weather sirens began wailing, instantly followed by the thunder, lightening and all the rest.

It is probably fatuous to compare this storm with how I am feeling, but I began typing here before all heck broke out in the heavens.  It does match the instability I am feeling.

I am off to do some art and try to move into a better mood.  This is the first time in this now-new life that I have used creativity of one kind to foster and encourage creative action of another kind.  I wonder how this is going to end up.  Up.  Holding that.

My cat; not Schrödinger's
Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar.  And, doesn't.

Heisenberg and Schrödinger get pulled over for speeding.
The cop asks Heisenberg "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg replies, "No, but we know exactly where we are!"
The officer looks at him confused and says "you were going 108 miles per hour!"
Heisenberg throws his arms up and cries, "Great! Now we're lost!"
The officer looks over the car and asks Schrödinger if the two men have anything in the trunk.
"A cat," Schrödinger replies.
The cop opens the trunk and yells "Hey! This cat is dead."
Schrödinger angrily replies, "Well he is now."

 My kitten is growing up.  Soon I will be able to know what kind of animal she grows up to be.

I am in my box.  Or, am I.



  1. Ummmm, not sure who Schrodinger is? A comic character perhaps? Your line of work is not easy and can be thankless as well. Not having appropriate support from Admin is not good. Look after yourself and know that, even across the miles, there are people who care. Big hugs.

    1. I am sticking with it until I find my place or they toss me out.

      I keep thinking about the conversation the director and I had on Monday. It is clear that we like, admire and respect each other, but we do not 'get' each other. I need patience.

      Schrödinger was my introduction to physics when I was in high school. I was not smart enough to take more than the most basic classes, but he interested me anyway.

  2. Chin up girlie, you can only do what you can do, and you always do your very best. xx

    1. I am doing the work I want and still am not satisfied with how well I am fitting in there. I am going to give it more time.