I am feeling better and this waiting is for a return to wanting to do anything. Seriously, I would accept interest in any activity. Even housecleaning. My doctor says that I have been feeling ill for so long and have been so inactive that I have to push myself to do what I can when I can. Excellent advice. Rats.
Spring needs to come. I am so cold. This flat is so drafty that as soon as I find one place where frigid air is gusting through, several more come to my attention. There is even a draft from the bricked-up fireplace. There might not be enough plastic sheeting in my city to help with this. I am keeping the temperature down, to 55F, in order to help equalize the indoor and outdoor temperatures, but it is damn cold in here. If CoolCat shows any signs of being affected, well, then I will have to take action of some kind. I wonder if the cold is contributing to my melancholy. Laziness.
My attorney tells me that she will have good news for me soon. She has been telling me this for some time. I suppose that it means that she is continually working on it. This is not helping me. If my ex has never had any qualms or hesitation about being in non-compliance of the court orders, has from the first hearing, continues to do so more than five months after the final decree, and has never suffered any legal consequences, then the chances are excellent that nothing is going to change. All it does is mess with my head about how I struggle financially. None of this is doing me any good, unless something turns into good news. Whatever. A side note is how comfortable I am, at my age, saying 'whatever'. Lordy.
I guess that is it. The other stuff for which I am waiting is either gross or stupid, most likely petty. It is like I am waiting to grow up. Truly, I do feel kind of immature, not connected or in control of so many things.
Is life like this for everyone? I really would not know, because having a normal life is new to me. I struggle all the time with how I should act, what is appropriate for me to feel, although I think that feelings are just what they are. Not much control there, only what I do with them. Or, more properly, what I am not doing with my feelings.
Doing well, generally, just all over the place today. Hungry, but no energy for cooking. Trying to avoid looking at the mess in my bedroom. Want to take a nap, but making myself stay up and do something useful.