Identify what is most important )0( Eliminate everything else
The idea that some lives matter less is the root of all that is wrong with the world. Dr. Paul Farmer
The suffering of others is not alleviated when no one knows about it.
There is no one right way to live. Daniel Quinn Ishmael
The only thing that you need to start an asylum is an empty room and the right sort of people.
We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be. Kurt Vonnegut

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

catching up on what may pass for my newlife

I should be doing something useful, but my afternoon client cancelled and there have not been any walk-ins.  So, I am watching SNL skits on MSN.  OK.

Lots of things happening, but I have decided to stop complaining about every damn thing and focus on the positive.  I am not sure what positive is going to ultimately mean, and complaining is one of my core characteristics; just hoping for the best.

Where to begin.

I have adjusted CoolCat's feeding schedule and he is tossing his kibble much less.  Might even be in danger of losing his King of Vomitus title.  The Emir of Emesis.  The Sovereign of Spew.  Might have to heave out for someone more prolific at purging.

My Saturday morning coffee friends are coming to my house for breakfast guessed it...Saturday.  They all want to bring things, kind of stuck on my limited resources, but I just gotta love them for it. 

I am making muffins, orange, pineapple and chocolate.  If I thought I could squeeze some dried cranberries in there I would. 

Bacon.  Lots.  At least two pounds, 'cuz these babes sure do love their bacon.  Like insanely.  So, lots of crispy pig slices. 

Smoothies.  Just banana, strawberry and vanilla.  Nothing fancy and no special orders.

Eggs, which can be to order and which should also be interesting in the kitchen, which is the size of most bathrooms.

Bread, freshly made late on Friday night, or maybe I will save the last rise for Saturday morning and then bake.  I am making the muffins on Friday, because they taste better the next day, so that could work, bread-wise.

Coffee.  I have only a five-cup drip pot, so someone is bringing another, larger pot/machine, because this group was drawn together by their love of coffee.  I do have tons of grounds, though, and lots of nice water.

I have no idea what everyone else is bringing, but it will surely be interesting and plentiful.

I am still waiting for some money from the trust account.  Someone who is not me is holding things up as much as possible.  Who knows when all of this will finally end, the account, the dividing of the investments, all of it.  Frugal me can make it on very little, but my landlord would like very much to have the rent on time.  I sat down with my stuff yesterday and I can make the rent, gas for the car and groceries, but...depending on when it arrives...the utility bill might make for an interesting day or two.  Not going to worry, though, as everything seems to be working out just fine.

I am trying to make my second volunteer gig for helping people job-wise be a good fit.  If you volunteer in any kind of a business setting you will know that having a person who is volunteering her/his time makes some of the current, paid employees a bit nervous.  Despite all explanations and disclaimers to the contrary, there are always a few people who think that you are there to work your way into a paid position.  I am trying to be bright and breezy and be clear that I am not looking for a job, with uneven success.

It does not help that last week I served a client who began our session with racist remarks.  I shared my customary position that prejudicial, biased, bigoted and stereotypical comments are not permitted and that that sort of behavior is essential to the work we will be doing, that we will not be working together.  Said just like that and in a calm and pleasant voice and demeanor. 

I know that the world, heck my neighborhood and city are chock full of people who are holding on to and expressing racism all over the place.  And, let us not even address family members, one of whom is not speaking to me because I said pretty much the same as above when some really disgusting comments were made in front of my grandsons.   The guy and his siblings were having great fun at the expense of African Americans and gay people, in the same conversation.  I was so uncomfortable that I said what I needed to say and then left a very important, to me, birthday party, not mine, on Saturday afternoon.  I am not a prig, nor am I dedicated to always speaking up or commenting, much less making a big deal of this stuff, but it is not in anyone's best interest for me to stick around and just listen to that crap. 

Truthfully, if it had been just me to whom they were speaking, I would have the same response.  Seriously, none of these people just met me and I find it fascinating that they think that it is safe to spew hatred in front of me. 

Milwaukee, which is not too far from here, recently had an attack on a religious facility, where several people were killed, some were injured, including one of the police offers who responded to the attack.  Whilst I am not surprised that this inspired a whole shit load of negative chatter about that particular ethnic group, I am more than a bit surprised and completely heartened at how that local community, Milwaukee and individuals of all kinds have become insistently vocal in their support of the members of that religion and vehemently assertive with those who would take this as an opportunity to broadcast their poisonous agenda.

 Despite this, and the loving and supportive attitudes and behaviors of the people I know, and now the people of Milwaukee, is one of the things that gives me hope of all kinds.

I remember when the attacks of 9/11 happened, and that there was so much anger towards the ethnic group(s) held responsible for all of those terrible events.  I think that, maybe, good people were stunned into silence when all of the hatred and anger was turned towards the entirety of Muslim and Mid-Eastern people.  Maybe what happened in the Milwaukee area is a sign of how far we have come in accepting those who are different from ourselves, and maybe the events of 9/11 was in some way the catalyst for people of integrity and good intention to eventually stop keeping silent when hatred is expressed.

How did I get on this subject?!! Oh, yeah, the couple of idiotic, bigoted people I have had as clients.  It is not like I expect everyone to be color-blind, as I think that eliminates opportunity to learn about people who are different from me, religion, culture, origin, even preferences.

You know, it is a huge cliché, but our world is increasing small all the time.  You can try to deny it, but media, technology and travel are opening up every part of the world for anyone who wants, or just happens, to learn about it, and in ways that no one could have ever imagined.  We do not have to like it, frankly, even though that does not serve us very well, but the truth is that we live in this particular world space.  And, I do not think that life is going to be any easier when things start to go all wonky...and they will/are...if your experience and vision and perspective is clouded by prejudice and the lack of acceptance of anyone who is different.

So, not so much complaining, but it is clear that ranting is willing to take its place.  Rants are not complaining.  Really.  I think.

Hopefully next week will find me with great financial resources, or if not, a brighter attitude and fewer small-minded people.  Yes, that is a total and complete judgement.  Yep.

Oh, sewing machines.  I found my serger, but the basic machines seems to have been lost in the moving all over the damn place.  I researched and drooled and even went to look at machines at a store where I trust the owners as ethical people.  I settled on a mid-range machine, but wanted to take overnight to think about that kind of purchase, especially when I did not have the actual cash to buy it and would have had to put it on my credit card.  I am accustomed to paying that card bill in full each month, but I have missed sewing so much.  Several times a week I either need to fix something or just plain need to sew dammit. 

I knew I was in trouble when I started becoming all emotional about it.  Like crying, for crying out loud.  I was a mess.  I needed to sew.  It is meditative and, gosh, I think that it is close to a spiritual experience for me.  I missed it so much, not having been able to sew for, gosh, months.

But, I could not bring myself to spend the money on a machine, not when I really need dental care, like desperately.  So, I did not buy it.  So sad.  Really.  If you were really frugal and needed something and were accustomed to making it yourself, this is really sad.

So, on Saturday, after coffee, I went to a fabric store to look at less expensive machines, and whilst they were half the price of the one I longed/drooled for, I still could not buy one.  After buying some ever-so-cute fabric for this bookmark swap thing, I walked down the strip mall to a store where one of the coffee chicks works.  A friend and I wandered around there and as we were thinking about leaving and looking for some lunch, my friend who works there said that they had a machine there and it was on sale.

It is a Singer, an older model.  Sale price plus extra sale day discount and I bought the machine for about $70.00/US, including tax.  About 10% the cost of the machine over which I drooled.  So far I have only sewn the two bookmarks, but on Sunday I will be dedicating the entire day to making an every-day throw for the sofa, one for the chair; a nice, big, comfy bed for CoolCat; a bread bag.  If there is time or energy, maybe I will get a tote bag for work out of it, maybe some napkins.

Oh, it might be nice to have the napkins for Saturday.  There must be some fabric around that I could use.

Well, there you go.  All happy and positive again.

Speaking of happiness, I experienced it twice recently.  In maybe a decade or three, those were the first times that I experienced real happiness and contentment.  More about them another day, but they were over simple things.  Fucking amazing.  Ah, guess I have not given up cursing.  Curses!!!!

1 comment:

  1. Lovely to "see" you bouncing around and being yourself again. So happy you are experiencing happiness in your new life. Hugs