So. I pretty much have whatever I need to live now. A bit of money in the bank, which also provided me the opportunity to buy some things that I really needed. Now, I have experienced loss nearly every day since the last big move, and all because of the stuff I needed to leave behind.
Sure, I can live without those things. I know that because I was certain that getting rid of them in those moments would not kill me and there really was not any alternative to simply giving and throwing away all that stuff.
Frankly, if you have that much stuff, well, you have too much stuff.
That said, I miss my oils and all the equipment that goes along with doing aromatherapy. All of it went into the trash on the last evening I was able to be in the house. It could have been donated, but I kept hoping to find a place to live and that I would be able to haul some of that stuff around with me in the car for a few days or weeks or something. I had rented a storage unit, but it was small and already full of other stuff.
Had I not been able to find an apartment the heat in the storage unit would have ruined the oils and tools anyway, so into the trash they went.
I left lots of things for the new owners. They were surprised and thrilled and that makes me happy. I do miss my folding stool, a small cart and gardening tools. Too bad, I guess. Same goes for all of the kitchen things I gave to other people, mostly those that I met when I was living in the shelter. That is kind of nice. Was then and I still feel that way now.
Mostly it bothers me that I miss and mourn all of those things. It bothers me a lot.
I have to admit that I am feeling much better since using some of the trust account money to replace my iron (yippee!!!!), the lost sewing machine (two were lost somehow in all of the moving, bought only one stunningly inexpensive one, and it has not blown up or anything yet), some kitchen stuff (muffin pans, food processor...which I never had before and I love it..., toaster, a couple of utensils, stuff like that), some put-together-yourself shelving for my work/sewing/studio room (had absolutely no room to store the old shelving and it all went to the metal recycler) but my best purchase was sisal to make CoolCat a decent scratching post. I did not buy any wood for the frame, but am using the end/arm section from the old futon (tossed) that I used in the storage unit to keep my mattresses off of the floor.
I started it yesterday and CoolCat, well, he is just a cat, but he was so excited when I unwrapped and unwound the sisal rope. Like, he went momentarily insane with happiness. I know that really happened, because I have experienced three...count 'em, three!!!...moments of happiness myself in the past few weeks, something that has not been a part of my life for a very long time. Pure, unadulterated happiness.
So, both of us are thrilled with making the scratching post thing and I am kind of loving how excited and happy we are. There were moments yesterday when I was awash in such wonderful and happy feelings that I had to stop and simply enjoy them. I want more. I know I will have more, probably too many to count or keep track of. I am looking forward to that, but I know that I will never, never, ever, ever, ever take these moments for granted.
Ever. Each one will be a brand-new affirmation of the amazing life I now have. I could not envision having any kind of a life before, much less one where I would be safe and have my art around me and be comfortable and make my own decisions and be just plain safe, which is the foundation on which this new life is being constructed.
It is my most fervent desire to not buy anything more, not one, single thing, and I think that is a reasonable expectation. I can go back to my budget and still buy some of the Wedgwood blue yarn I need to make a couple of face washers for a friend's newly remodeled bathroom. I already have yarn to make hats for the grandbabies, who have not been actual babies for a very long time, but they are my sweet babies and so that is what I call them, and will continue to do until they ask me to stop calling them my sweet babies, which I hope will be never, or at least a really long time.
Oh, and I am going to try to be a vegan again, although I realistically do not hold much hope of achieving that, but I think that I might be able to handle ovo-vegetarianism.
Does that come with bacon?
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