Identify what is most important )0( Eliminate everything else
The idea that some lives matter less is the root of all that is wrong with the world. Dr. Paul Farmer
The suffering of others is not alleviated when no one knows about it.
There is no one right way to live. Daniel Quinn Ishmael
The only thing that you need to start an asylum is an empty room and the right sort of people.
We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be. Kurt Vonnegut

Wednesday, June 12, 2013


The recent good stuff is continuing.  A virtual flood of goodness.  Thank goodness.  The relief from worry is just, well, I hardly know how to express what a relief it is to not have to stress about paying every bill and using too much electricity, not eating as well as I should in support of my diabetes, and never being able to share one bit of how difficult this is.  The worrying part is not over, and will not be until I find a job and maybe, actually, get at least a fraction of my share of the assets from my marriage.  I keep saying this, telling myself this...that I fully expected to come away from everything with nothing.

I have done a decent job of living with this reality, embracing every part of it because doing so means survival in the most successful ways.  I am trying to not invest much hope about what might be coming, but it is so hard when other things are moving forward so nicely.

I was able to share information about the training and the scholarship today at work.  You know that people like and respect you when they act just as giddy as I am feeling.  My directors both support this new direction and are in full support of a short hiatus from my work there.  I am taking five weeks, for the training and the after-work, time to spend with my family, which is pretty much my daughter and all the boys, taking a day to travel to another state to drool over fabric, and take lots and lots of naps.  I have yet to finish unpacking and organizing my work room.  Lordy, I have a work room!!!!  It is all mine.  I can do whatever I like there, whenever I like.  Man.

There is nothing like a patch of good news to lift the spirit.  Amazing.  If things go south again, I will promptly, probably without taking a breath, launch myself back into despair and whining and moaning and groaning and everyone is invited to my eventual pity party, except that I really cannot handle guests, so let me know if you want to help me devolve into a pessimist again, and I will cram a slice of cake into an envelope and send it to you posthaste.  Messy fun.  My favorite kind.  A sharing and a science project all in one.  Multitasking.

Work today was interesting.  Clients who had homework (yes, I am that focused at work) cancelled their appointments today.  I have one extremely challenging client who gave a Reference Librarian trouble last night cancelled and still showed for her appointment.  We spent some time talking and I finally had to reinforce the ground rules, the boundaries we talked about last week.  She insists that I am the only person to whom she can tell things and I explained that there were issues here with her for which I am completely unqualified to help.  We now have a list of five topics that can be discussed and upon which we will work, and any digression or lapse into her files of complaints about her life and everyone in it, will result in the end of our session and the end of our working relationship.

We had this conversation where the ref staff could witness what we were saying, which she did not like; I guess I would not like it all that much either, but it is an indication that she understands that she is abusing and misusing the time I am able to spend working with her.  It had to be done, but I am feeling personally, as in to-the-bone, sad that it had to come to this.  The simple fact that she is eager to share all of her stuff means that she trusts me, that I have become a safe place for her.  It is my hope that she will be able to stick to our necessary agenda and that I can save some time at the end of our session to just sit back and encourage her to share whatever she likes.  I have her scheduled for the last appointment of the day, which means that we can run long as much as we like.  I would like that very much.  I truly cannot help her with her mental health issues, but I can be that safe place for her to vent and talk and then talk some more.  We will see.

The rest of the day was some truly kick-ass work, as well as a couple of interesting surprises, most of which I cannot share, but I came out of them looking pretty darn not stupid.  Yep.  I am not saying that I came out glowing or anything, but there might have been a noticeable elevation in the quality and sparklyness of the light in the general area.  Just saying.

Therapy tomorrow.  More whining, I am certain.  More giddiness about the training and other stuff, I am also certain.  Fresh cherries on my oatmeal for breakfast, followed by some macarons.  Bless the market that started carrying them in the frozen food section.  Bless me for not buying them more than every six months or so.

I am so weak about extraordinary food. 

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