Identify what is most important )0( Eliminate everything else
The idea that some lives matter less is the root of all that is wrong with the world. Dr. Paul Farmer
The suffering of others is not alleviated when no one knows about it.
There is no one right way to live. Daniel Quinn Ishmael
The only thing that you need to start an asylum is an empty room and the right sort of people.
We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be. Kurt Vonnegut

Monday, May 6, 2013


And, grateful for it.  I decided overnight that I can wait until my regular therapy appointment.  Huge sigh of relief.  I do not mind when my therapist wants to schedule an extra session between sessions, and I always agree.  Messed up is messed up and super-duper messed up means that you pay better attention and you do what you have to do. 

Interesting, that part of the process, because that is exactly what I do with my clients.  One of my clients last week had a greater need to talk out some things than to put together a résumé.  There are rare occasions when someone leaves without a usable document, but this person did not.  I let him talk, but kept interjecting queries and, whilst not complete, he was able to leave with the résumé part, should he find an opportunity to apply for a job.  He is homeless and his issues are greater than my ability to help him.  The only reason I am continuing with him is that a social service agency sent him to me. 

I have to hold these kinds of situations in my consciousness more effectively than I have been doing.  The stresses build and the icky stuff superimposes itself over the good and effective.  So, this morning is a nice break from the crazy making.

I woke more energized than usual.  This is probably because I have been stressing about the miserable state I have allowed my personal environment to become.  It is kind of messy here.  Not dirty or disgusting or health department acute, but I have not been putting things in their proper place, especially some things I picked up for the boys. 

Lots of stress, part of which is about CoolCat.  He has many health issues.  A myriad, a cascade, a thunderstorm of health concerns.  One is made worse by the stress he suffered during the time he was not under my care when I was living in the shelter.  As a result of improper and irregular care, he is weird about food and water.  I mean, who can blame him.  By the time I was able to safely return to the house, my cats were a physical and psychic mess. 

Now, he is worried about his food bowl being empty.  If he can see, or think he sees, even a tiny spot of the bottom of his bowl, he panics.  I have to keep the bowl full all the time.  If I do not notice, the moment that speck is exposed, he comes to get me, sadly complaining all the while.  It works well, but if I am sleeping or away from the flat when he can see that bit of the bowl, he stresses and he vomits.  Twice. 

If I am sleeping, it wakes me, I get up, reassure him and clean it up.  If I am away, he often makes it back to my bed before he empties his stomach.  Twice.   All of the floors here are hard surfaced and, frankly, he could vomit every day and we would not cause any damage to the place. It is icky, occasionally makes me shudder, but it is what it is.

That happened, the vomiting on my bed.  Twice.  I cleaned up the mess when I got home the first time and all was well.  The second time I did not notice until it was time for bed.  Two spews and he tried to cover it up, bless him.  Unfortunately, I have only two sheets.  Fortunately, I launder them every week and it was Tuesday, laundromat day.  Clean sheet on the bed, augmented by two towels over the newly cleaned wet spots on the mattress.

Since then I have been putting a plastic, flannel-backed tablecloth over the top of the bed.  And, the sofa and chair. CoolCat hates it.  Too bad.  When I can afford to get more linens and a mattress cover and a couple of throws or cheap blankets to toss over the bed, I will do that.  Slightly more laundry to do when he vomits, but it will be easier to manage.  I will still continue to cover the other two pieces of furniture, and he has a nice, comfy bed and three resting spots on his climbing/scratching post thing, as well as an old office chair that I really do not care about and keep a folded towel on anyway, for napping.  I also have a folded towel on the back of the sofa just because he likes being up there.

So, plenty of place to lounge, although he mostly sleeps when I am gone, only occasionally getting up to check to see if the bottom of his bowl is visible.  He has gained weight because of this, as I fill his bowl to the top before I leave the house.  Bad mom, I know.  In my defense, the alternative, trying to get him to not feel so desperate about food just seems more stressful to him.  He is middle-aged and has been through so much this past year. 

He is a different cat since we moved here.  He was different, more settled and calm even when we were living in the motel.  During my other life, I thought that his shyness was just that, he was a shy cat.  Now that we are here and there is not yelling and all the rest, he has bloomed.  He no longer lives mostly under my bed.  No more litter box accidents.  On the rare occasion when I have a visitor, he comes out to meet them, something he never did in our other life.  He approaches people without urging and solicits petting. 


Wonderful.  Makes me all tender and weepy and so grateful that we have our new life.

The whole covering up everything for the past three weeks is distressing for CoolCat.  Not enough to change him or make him have more events, but he does not like it.  When he comes to me to complain about the tablecloths, I reassure him and let it go.  No point making either of us more neurotic in the process.

So, anyway, I had to go past the bedroom and saw that a portion of the tablecloth was in disarray.  He had climbed up on his carrier (beside the bed at the foot, between the bed and the wall, and then onto the bed, at the edge of the tablecloth.  Burrowed his way in and is now asleep in the little cave he made for himself.

This comforts him and I am tickled at his ingenuity and perseverance.  Nice problem solving. 

I am not as smart as my cat.  Nice. Like it.  Still have to find another way to protect the bed until I can get the stuff to put on it, but what he did is a normal thing that happens in normal homes where there are normal people and pets.  Ordinary.  This is so reassuring.


  1. Can you buy a gravity feed pet dish? CC may stuff himself till he explodes for the first few days but I think it unlikely he will ever see the bottom of the dish as you can top up the hopper till his phobias and stresses are eased. With a bit of luck he'll self regulate his eating then and no more spewing.
    Cheers, Rob xo

  2. I know what those are. Cannot buy one right now, but I have put it on the top of my gotta-have list.

    I am putting small amounts of food in those small, glass individual custard cups. I am hoping that he develops a routine that takes him from bowl to bowl. Smaller amounts of food and he has to exercise as he waddles from one to the next.