Identify what is most important )0( Eliminate everything else
The idea that some lives matter less is the root of all that is wrong with the world. Dr. Paul Farmer
The suffering of others is not alleviated when no one knows about it.
There is no one right way to live. Daniel Quinn Ishmael
The only thing that you need to start an asylum is an empty room and the right sort of people.
We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be. Kurt Vonnegut

Monday, December 5, 2016

good intentions

I did get all washy, clothed and outside, to find that the little hatch thing on the back of the car, sort of like a trunk/boot, had been unlatched and that wee light had drained the battery.  It was dark, I was cold and hungry and it was so stupid that I laughed myself all the way upstairs.  There I looked on-line for anyplace nearby that would deliver food, groceries or fast food, did not care.

I found a pizza place that would deliver.  They did.  I over-tipped.  The food was bad, like horrible, like inedible.   

I ordered a deluxe supreme taco pizza and could only eat the lettuce and some of the crust edge.  The garlic bread was salvaged by cutting off the soaked part and the rest of the roll and the marinara were wonderful.  The chicken wings were stone cold, barely unfrozen and I ate them anyway.  I am not ordering pizza from them again, but I might stop in for a big place of spaghetti except for the fact that I can easily make that and it is fabulous.  So, goodbye pizza place.  It sure was a good idea.

By morning I knew I had to do something proactive and get over that first-world problem of crappy delivery food.  I did not have food in the house because I have been feeling so awful for such a long time and, all these days later I have barely improved the food thing here.  Being out is so exhausting and my doc(s) are still trying to diagnose my extreme lethargy and chest pain.  Tumors have been ruled out, as has cancer and lots of other icky things. 

Keeping in mind that one of the zillions of things about which I know nothing, medically speaking, I have this notion that my adrenal system is depleted.  Thank you very much, Dr. Google.  Whatever it is, I have to pull up my BGPs and get on with everything.

My daughter helped me visit a couple of possible places to rent that do not have out of code (building code) construction, mold and an inadequate heating system.  To of them were perfect (even allowing cats and small dogs) but they were all too expensive.  This wee village is between several large metropolitan areas and decent rentals are difficult to find.  Yet another 1stWorld problem.

I have a new battery in the car and am figuring how to pay to do some major repairs or sell it for scrap and find another used car.  But, the darn thing is running well enough to get me to the holiday party for the place I work/volunteer.  There was some amazing local youth music.  A jazz band from the high school, as well as four members of the same school's choir group.  The band played standards and the choir did holiday songs, including my only favorite xmas song, Mary Did You Know.  The first time I heard that on the car radio I had to pull over to listen.  It is a beautiful and emotional song and I love it.  When the young women came around to each of the tables to ask for requests, to be sung right there, we asked for a repeat of that song, as did the table next to us.

A very nice buffet followed, there were two free drinks, wine or beer or fancy bottled water, and everyone received a fifty dollar gift certificate to our store.  I got one last year, but left it behind on the table and am taking very good care of this year's certificate.  There is always something in that sweet thrift shop that I want to buy; a tea towel or handkerchiefs for myself, lovely things for things and there are quirky things that the grandsons and I can take apart or make into something.

We had our first snowfall yesterday.  It drifted down all through the day and it looks like there is a couple of inches out there.  It is not too cold, so the snow is heavy with moisture and I am so grateful that the landlord does not trust any of us to not mess up the property and he does the shoveling and other lawn care.  So, totally yay about that.

I do have a quandary.  My daughter is in her final semester of school and is also working at a lab in her field.  It is difficult because they are working her in a lab that does ceramic work, something she is yet to learn at school.  She told me yesterday that they are so backed up that there is no one with time to train her, so they are showing her what to do and then leaving her to it.  She says that her dental appliances look fine, but that she is positive that none of them are good enough to go into the mouth of any hapless patient. 

The little thing is that she has not asked me to help by watching the boys or helping her around her house.  Since I live only a mile from her now, that is easily accomplished, but she is not asking for help.  I usually just jump in and offer, but I did not this time.  Frankly, getting up at four in the morning is not nearly as much fun as you might think it to be for an old babe like me.

She knows that I am always available when my son-in-law travels, but we are stuck now, her not asking, me not offering.  I am hoping that when I am feeling better that I will be able to surprise them with offers to take the boys for weekends and after school.  We'll see.

It feels selfish to not be there most days, at least to help with cooking.  I just cannot do it right now, so I get to be selfish for a while longer.


  1. J, I hope you can find out why you have no energy and I agree...getting up at 4am is not easy when you get older but my older brother is always up by then and goes to bed very early. Personally I don't do early mornings :-)

  2. I do not think I would mind if I could then go to sleep earlier. But, I cannot, and that is after a month of sleep hygiene practice.

    And, another thing is that I am of the belief that if I do not want to get up that early that I do not have to get up that early.

    I do not have to eat meat like everyone says I should (including my docs), or get out and ride a bike that I know will end up with me going ass over teakettle at some point. There are not enough Hello Kitty or bacon bandages to make that work.