dealing

I have been awake for an hour now.  Waking six hours early does not help anything.  I have a very long day ahead, one which ends with a very long drive, and I cannot sleep. This does not happen often, but it really messes up everything when sleep refuses to happen when you need it most.  So, I am up, trying not to eat something and sitting here, typing and browsing the time away, television on.  

In the short time that I have been up, I have seen/listened to three commercials for a particular prescription sleep aid, in addition to several for other similar meds.  I guess that if you have a medication to help with sleep that it makes sense to advertise during the times when most people would love to be asleep.  There was a stunning array of side effects mentioned.  My insomnia is minor compared to what the people who are willing to take this medication must be experiencing.  The list was so disturbing that I had to find a resource for it.

How desperate do you have to be for sleep to risk this (found on Wikipedia):
neuropsychiatric adverse effects reported include:
    aggressive behavior
    confusion
    agitation
    auditory and visual hallucinations
    worsening of depression
    suicidal thoughts
    depersonalisation
    amnesia

Clearly not me, but did I not have the expectation that this problem will be temporary, I might.  I am retired, doing volunteer work several times a week, with the bulk of my time available to do whatever I like, including naps.  The next few days I have to be awake during the day and fully asleep during the nights, so I will be taking an OTC allergy med with me.  I will use it.  I will sleep.  I will be awake during the day to do what I have to do.  More importantly, I will not have any side effects.  None. 

I guess what bothers me most about the prescription meds and the other problems they could potentially carry is that when I look at that abridged list, because of my former life, I have some of those, the confusion, agitation (thinking my panic attacks here), depression, memory loss and I no longer have this final one because I am being properly medicated now, but thoughts of wanting to hurt myself was a serious concern of mine.  I cannot imagine being willing to risk any of those things again.  But, I can sleep most of the time, so I am not tempted. 

This past week has been chock full of dealing with so many things.  I am not as simple-minded as I seem most of the time.  I have come to accept that impatience about all of this stuff is not helping me deal or move forward with healing.  I have hope.  It just seems like I should be making better progress.