I have been struggling with a loss of faith for most of this year. I was regularly involved in our church for a long time. Then, I cobbled together my favorite aspects of all of the religions I investigated during my twenties. Seems like a lifetime ago, and I guess it is.
Whatever happened, I held on to those practices and beliefs, that were not connected to any one spiritual practice or faith community. But, now all of that is gone. Just gone.
I still believe in a kind and loving Universe. I still believe in the inherent goodness of people, that despite how things might go awry, few people set out to be terrible people. I still believe in lots of things, and am recently welcoming hope back into my life. Of course, having the whole divorce mess nearly over is helping that dramatically.
I have been thinking and writing about this empty space in my life for a long time; more intensively and focused in the past six months. I have been reading. Nothing seems to inspire me. I know that because it bothers me, this empty space, that I am most likely on a path to regaining my faith in a larger-than-self. It would be nice to find a church, a faith community, that is a good fit for me.
This morning I began talks with a woman who offers spiritual counseling. It went well and I think that it is a good beginning. I will be seeing her again in two weeks. This should be very interesting.