nice

Day.

The second friend was nice today. 
I was nice today. 
We are still friends.
She invited me to her daughter's wedding. 
I am going. 
I afford to give a nice gift. 

Nice, because I did not want to stop seeing her.  I like her and I am hoping that feeling like she was belittling me all the time was some over-reaction on my part.  I am very happy to accept the responsibility for the rocky condition of our relationship.  And, I am more happy to still want to see her and that she still wants to spend time with me.  Just plain nice.

I met one of the handymen who helped me last year and was finally able to give him a decent tip.  He assessed all of that other person's mess and gave me a fair price.  However, when they started to clear everything out, the true nature of the mess was revealed.

It was like peeling the layers off of  the worst onion in the Universe.  Seriously.  Clearing that house out was a sobering glimpse of what hell must be like.  Seriously.

I knew immediately that the estimate he gave me would not cover the actual costs of the work.  I did not have any extra money, having used the last of my cash to order a half-dozen large pizzas for them and an extra hundred dollars to use as a tip for the five men.  As the afternoon went on, I became increasingly ashamed of the whole damn thing.  The crew was great, even when three of them had to return the next day to finish.  I vowed that I would someday give them more than the measly tip. 

Every time I would get a few dollars ahead I put it into the bank, slowing building a decent thank you for all of that insanely hard work.  But, it really was so slow, and I wondered if I would live long enough to do this.  Then, last Friday, everything about the whole freak show of my divorce was finally over.  I did not yet have any of the money, but I knew for sure that it was coming. 

And, you know, I hate to keep dwelling on this, but for some reason I am bothered by parts of it.  I have to let this go and just be glad I received more than the nothing I expected.  It so pathetic, this feeling like a baby.  I hate it.  This is the strongest emotion I have had during the entire process, and it over nothing.  Just nothing.  Whatever.

So, I still do not actually have any of it, but it is coming, and I called the handyman last night and arranged to meet him today.  I got up, troweled on makeup, brushed my teeth and went to the bank and withdrew five hundred dollars so that each of the five men will get what they deserve.

I can hardly express how great this feels.  To be honest, they probably should have received more, and I might do that at some time, but for now I need to avoid going all unfrugal and begin to spend, spend and spend.  I am taking a friend, the one who had a biopsy last week, out for lunch tomorrow to celebrate that she does not have cancer.  Two super great things in one day.

Life is nice.