nexts

It has been a weird weekend.  I am not sure that I want to do much anymore.  Yeah, I still love my work and the potential, additional opportunities to do more if I pass my state certification, but I am feeling weak.  My body feels weak.

More importantly, my will to keep moving forward, to keep working on my recovery, well, it just is not there.  I should have paid bills and/or studied for my exam next month.  I could have done more organizing.  That last one was the closest to being accomplished.  If I finished that, all of the remaining boxes, baskets and bins would be put away, making this whole place look great.  If everything were put away, it really would be a one-time job, as organized stuff stays organized, or at least the little messes stay in one room.

But, I am not doing that.  I am all energized and interested and I go to that room and look at it and walk away.  The new dishes and bowls are still in their bags and boxes.  I do nothing and I am exhausted.  I nap.  I sit.  I am glad that hot dogs were on sale when I took R shopping last week, or I would not have anything to eat, except chocolate, and that is boring, the chocolate.  I could never have imagined that I would be uninterested in food, especially chocolate.

I do not feel depressed or any increase in my depression, but that must be the reason.  

I wonder how I can be this self aware and still not be motivated to do what needs being done. 

So, I will be taking myself to organize some more.  It will be wonderful to have that space in which to work, mess around and play with the boys.

Okey-dokey...here I go...