It has been a weird weekend. I am not sure that I want to do much anymore. Yeah, I still love my work and the potential, additional opportunities to do more if I pass my state certification, but I am feeling weak. My body feels weak.
More importantly, my will to keep moving forward, to keep working on my recovery, well, it just is not there. I should have paid bills and/or studied for my exam next month. I could have done more organizing. That last one was the closest to being accomplished. If I finished that, all of the remaining boxes, baskets and bins would be put away, making this whole place look great. If everything were put away, it really would be a one-time job, as organized stuff stays organized, or at least the little messes stay in one room.
But, I am not doing that. I am all energized and interested and I go to that room and look at it and walk away. The new dishes and bowls are still in their bags and boxes. I do nothing and I am exhausted. I nap. I sit. I am glad that hot dogs were on sale when I took R shopping last week, or I would not have anything to eat, except chocolate, and that is boring, the chocolate. I could never have imagined that I would be uninterested in food, especially chocolate.
I do not feel depressed or any increase in my depression, but that must be the reason.
I wonder how I can be this self aware and still not be motivated to do what needs being done.
So, I will be taking myself to organize some more. It will be wonderful to have that space in which to work, mess around and play with the boys.
Okey-dokey...here I go...