Identify what is most important )0( Eliminate everything else
The idea that some lives matter less is the root of all that is wrong with the world. Dr. Paul Farmer
The suffering of others is not alleviated when no one knows about it.
There is no one right way to live. Daniel Quinn Ishmael
The only thing that you need to start an asylum is an empty room and the right sort of people.
We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be. Kurt Vonnegut

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Day 25, and big 'ole Hadean epoch

We know what those are.  It is the beginning of (have to look it up) a time in history "...marked by notable events or particular characteristics."  Thank you Google.  That is it.  I just could not put it into my own words.  History is not just the world-thing, we have our own epochs, with significant things that happen to us.  Maybe beginning a family, or moving on our own to a new city or country.  Starting a career or being a grandparent.  Maybe even when someone dies.  Like when we lose something and have to find a way to move on.

My most recent one, epoch-wise, began on that day I left.  Maybe it started before that, I just do not know.  Maybe at the beginning of the hundred days project.  Maybe it was something just before that, something that put me on the path to all of the changes.  You know, that liminal moment when you cross the threshold into whatever is on the other side.  I almost always see them after they happen.  Sometimes it is held in moments, other times I have to look back into my past to search for them.

The only reason I am thinking of this today is that Yahoo! had an article about a visual aid that, I think, Nature published, shows what a revolving earth more than four billion might have looked like.  I know nothing about science or astronomy or physics, but I love them so much.  Even if I never learn anything substantive about any of that, I am informed over and over again.   I really am not articulate enough to express how much science means to me.  I think sometimes that it must be because it is what it is.  It changes when those who do science learn new things, make new discoveries, but in that moment it is truth in a way not nothing else approaches.

So, I saw that image today and it quietly left me breathless, thinking about that distant past and my own and all of our pasts. 

This week and last week I have done things I could never imagined myself capable.  I feel confident in, well, it is kind of weird.  I do not feel powerful or that I am inspiring myself to do more adventurous things, but whilst I am not capable of doing anything, I do have the ability to do more than I thought I could.  I was full of adrenaline when the breaking-in happened, and I held on to that feeling for a couple of days, but now, I have that same quiet and breathless feeling that I got when seeing that gif this afternoon. 

It is nice and I would like to be supportive of those feelings in what I choose or decline to do.  You know, that is the particular path I feel that I am on now.  I feel persuaded to consciousness about whatever I am doing, even the time I will be spending with my friend that I help.  And, there is this kind of responsibility to no only pay attention, but to avoid missing whatever might be important in even the little things we will do together today. 

nuts - these are so filling and taste good, and as long as i do not eat too many, healthy

pineapple slices and the juice

is yet to come, but I am planning on a nice piece of fish, roasted vegetables and salad, as well as planning to eat all of it.  I will not be bringing leftovers home.  I might even have a wee glass of wine. 

Edited to add:
3 bowls of soup
2 plates of salad
3 bread sticks
2 diet colas
Olive Garden

I rarely get to choose where my friend and I will go for a meal.  Truth is that I rarely choose anything we do.  She tries to bribe me, keep me beholden to her, by buying my meal.  However, I pay my way.  So, there.

If she had other resources, I would abandon her to them in a heartbeat.  I like her very much, but she does not treat people nicely.  The people I mean are wait staff, clerks, sales people, cashiers.  When that happens, as it did twice today, I say something.

If you choose to let your entree go cold because you want to fill up on soup and salad and breadsticks so that you are, in effect, getting two meals for the price of one, and you are rude to the waitress because you complain about the pasta being hard, it is because you let it set there and I will, when you look at me to solicit me to agree with you, what you will hear is that your food probably would be more pliable if it were still warm.  I do it with a smile, you know, just trying to be helpful and all that, but satire aside, I do it in support of the poor working girl you are bullying.

And, yet, she still had the nerve to ask for the meal to be packed up, extra sauce added and for a box of bread sticks to be added.  It does not help anything that she under tips.   I just settle there and make sure that I pay for my own meal and tip at least 75% of my total bill.  That along with an apology is the least I can do.

I do not even want to write about what she did to the cashier at the grocery store.  Sigh.  I always feel guilty about how relieved I am when she leaves town to visit her children.  My guess is that she behaves the same way when she is with them. 

I used to just leave a big tip and let it go at that, but I seem unable to stop myself from trying to make amends to the people she treats rudely. 

And, yet, my own behavior is just as lacking.  I was reminded of a responsibility that I have neglected for many weeks.  Truth is that I totally forgot about it, and being out of town, I cannot rectify my crappy behavior until Monday at the earliest. 

It is so much easier to see the flaws in another person than it is to recognize the exact same crap in ourselves.  This is probably where the notion of not throwing the first stone originated. 

I throw stones.  And, I act like I know it all, I act like a pompous know-it-all.  You know, if that sort of thing does not shame me, nothing will.  I do feel ashamed.  I do know that I need to keep my mouth out of her business, hell, anyone's business. 

There is this kind of belief that I am holding that because I did not have a voice for most of my life, that I have some responsibility to use it now.  I can do that, but not at the expense of another person, not at the cost of shaming them.  Good manners is the practice of not doing anything or saying anything about the poor manners of someone else.  Good manners is keeping your mouth shut.  Good manners is not correcting anyone else.

This afternoon and early evening I did not have good manners.


  1. I know of a book that I think you might like to read, it was one of our book club books, it was all too much for me, I wasn't in the right frame of mind at the time, would attempt again sometime, but it could be right up your alley!
    Bright Star: Beatrice Hill Tinsley, Astronomer by Christine Cole Catley

    1. I just tried to reserve at my library, but it is not available at any of the other libraries with which we exchange materials. I saw your review on Goodreads. Pretty cool.

      I will keep checking Amazon until there is a copy less than fifty bucks.

  2. J, could you check the forum as there is a PM waiting for you there. Ta!

    1. O.K.

      I stopped visiting because someone had a problem with me. I do not have any idea what it was about, but I get chastised there frequently enough to be uncomfortable. But, I will pull up my big girl panties and go look. I hope this does not turn out to be a bad idea. Just saying. :P

  3. Really? I am so sorry. Don't stop visiting as we love hearing from you.