Yeah, it is the seventh day, which is kind of interesting, now that I am typing this, today is the seventh day, the one on which God rested. At least that was his diary said.
And, it is my seventh day of trying to get healthier.
And, I went to church this morning.
On the the menu.
I chose sleep instead of food, knowing that I would stay for the hospitality stuff after services and that I would be able to have only coffee. They do provide things like cookies and kringle and other cheap and carby stuff. Which is totally cool, as I have enjoyed many of cheap cookie there.
3 ribs of celery
1/4 cup of guacamole, half of a small container from the market near to the dollar store that I went to after I filled the gas tank after services and hospitality were over.
a handful of Ranier cherries
5 pieces of dried mango
4 turkey necks
So, I did get up and go to church. No sleeping in for me today because I had bad dream after bad dream, at least six of them. You know the kind where you wake up, know that it was just a dream because you woke yourself out of the dream because it was so icky. I have been having icky dreams for some months now, but they stopped last weekend and I thought it might be a premature response to not eating carbs. Like, there was some digestive or neurological side effect from eating all that lovely bread, oats and sweet potato starch noodles.
Church was nice, but that pastor must be scraping the bottom of his sermon barrel. Today's chiding was that he wanted people to sit closer to eat other, that moving to the forward pews would be more enriching and more holy for us. His words, not mine. I am not bothered or shamed by this stuff, and I always use it to help me think about why the heck (really want to say hell) I even notice the things he says, much less think about them.
But, I do. I go there looking for connection and meaning. I have shared with my spiritual adviser many times that I cannot see myself falling back into complete belief, the kind of faithful living or practice that is so comforting for most people. My critical thinking skill have grown as a result of that other life and my now-new life and how I am managing and all that. So, turning that off really is not an option. That kind of sweet faith is not going to work for me.
But, I want to believe. I want that so much. So, I go to church when schedule and health permit and sit there, paying attention, looking for any bit of anything that will help and enlighten me, help me move closer to belief and faith and that self-assured acceptance.
Today was a bit more special because I wanted to experience some connection to all of the head-stuff from last week. That did not happen, but there was a reading that struck me. Pretty significantly, too.
It was about living an earthly life as opposed to a spiritual life.
The earthly life is toxic and it is death. It is inevitable that we live in the real world (whatever that means, just like normal, ordinary...). If we did not, there would be no church to attend, no people running a church.
The spiritual life is accepting God as the everything. You know the way that is. The spiritual life is, well, it is life, both here on the earthly plane and in heaven. But, you must be clear that heaven is not what we believe it to be, as I learned in the other sermon following the reading. Pastor used a pop-culture/film reference for what heaven is not, and, frankly, writing this, the real heaven, how it is, just leaked out of my brain.
There was also a new banner up front, in the neighborhood of the altar that had Saint Luke sewn onto it, below an appliquéd figure. I asked Pastor what the symbolism meant, having waited until everyone had moved into the hospitality room and it was was the two of us left in the church part.
He told me that he did not know, but he would try to explain what he did know. The appliqué turned out to be an oxen, which is connected to St. Luke, but Pastor did not know why, only that it was. I asked what the shape above it was, if it was an elongated star shape and what that might mean. Pastor told me that they were wings, and, gosh, they were. He told me that the winged ox was St. Luke's thing. The ox on the banner also had a solid red halo thing around its head. I told Pastor that from where I especially like sitting, that it had looked like a masked ninja holding a shield.
I think that pretty much ended me for him. I said that I was going to research it, and I am going to because there might be something in all that for me.
Anyway, he escaped me when a man walked up and I went, sat with some people I know and had my cup of coffee. The woman who wanted me to transport her to and from work in the wee hours was there and I asked how the job at McDonald's was going and she told me that it was not for her, that is was way too difficult and the pace was too fast and she felt overwhelmed. Should she again mention that wee-morning-me-driving job again, I will offer the same week or two until she makes nice with someone else who can give her rides.
Then there was this thing with this guy, but that is a long story and for another time.
Next, I went to the dollar store to find a bowl large enough to make the meatloaf, and I picked up some office-type things I need for some of my jobs and then went to get cauliflower to make the potato-less potato, kale and hot sausage soup that I plan to make tomorrow night.
I have to stop going into markets. I am kind of loving all of this fruit (the Ranier cherries), and $15.00 poorer, I left. Ate my lunch in the car and came home. I have the stuff I need to make that towel and will finish it tomorrow at the laundromat.
I roasted those turkey necks, which were absolutely delicious, as well as being a food that you have to eat in private, roasted the two turkey thighs that were on sale and got back to work.
The guac was so good; they make it fresh there a couple of times a day. Crazy, huh? But, it did not have the jalapenos on the ingredient list. I am thinking that it might have been a new person who chose bell peppers by mistake. Guacamole would make a really great lunch for work days, so I guess I will be visiting the market again fairly soon. I am going to eat myself into the poorhouse, or at the very least out on the street.
Tomorrow is therapy, group and laundry, with some sewing thrown in. It already sounds like a good day, which, really, is any day when the big girl panties get washed.
Oh, and I walked a bit today. It was mostly because there were no parking spaces near the church, but, hey, walking is walking.